Wonga

Lolly, wonga, wedge.

It’s all in aid of a fantastic organisation called Can Too.  They provoke muppets like me with the words of people like Eleanor Roosevelt to don lyrcra and battle frothing surf, tumultuous chop, big swell and rampaging rips.  People like you, reader, are so overawed with the depths of stupidity displayed even accounting for the fact I am blonde that you can’t help but donate generously to this wonderful cause.  The money goes 100% to fund cancer researchers who help save or prolong the lives of so many of the people that we love who have to battle cancer.

So, if you have a moment and any pennies to spare, please click here to support Cure Cancer Australia:

Trust me.  This ain’t no proverbial walk in the park.  In training, I’ve been ravished by sea lice, apparently chased by a shark and got hickeys from chafing from my togs.  I have learned more than anyone should about types of lube and seaweed.  In last year’s brass monkies ocean temperatures, I ended up midly hypothermic more than once.

In 2010 in the Big Swim, I got dumped at both ends and stung by a bluey.  There was so much sand up my clacker that it’s still languishing at the bottom of my loo where it cascaded when I finally got home to sit on the throne.  I also burned my buttocks because I ended up with wedgy at the start when I got dumped and forgot to pull my togs back down in my determination to go back into the surf and try again.  About a quarter of the entrants had to stop to chunder.  And in 2011, not an insignificant minority failed to get through the break.

According to the oceanswims.com report on Warriewood Mona Vale swims last year, 2/3rds of 600+ field of swimmers were stung by blueys,  1 swimmer was hospitalized, 3 needed oxygen and 30 serious stings were treated by first aid volunteers at the scene.  At Coogee, over 100 swimmers were treated for hypothermia.

This is what was going on under the first buoy at the Cole Classic in 2011 (it takes 2 minutes 45 before it gets interesting).

And if that doesn’t scare you, this should.  Next time I visit you, I just might adopt the same tactics that David Walliams used in an interview with Alan Carr to draw attention to swimming to raise funds for charity.